Monday, March 18, 2013

introducing: THE Joe Man

In order to fulfill my two hours of Hanging Out with the enigma known to many of you as THE Joe Moran (pronounced THEEEE) I have been graced with the opportunity to clue you in and give you the skinny poop on a True Treasure of the Modern Era.  A Man ahead or His or any other Time.  Wingman to God, Conquer of the Great Divide, Oldest Ever Recipient of the Bobcat and Webelo Badges, Most Eligible Bachelor and Logistical Engineer

You can find out more about him here:

But let me tell a little more about this Singular Titan of the Incredible.

Goals (2013):

To allow the Champ (@MikeTyson) to become friends with @THEJoeMoran via twitter

To grace the patrons of the House of Blues in Hollywood with a three song set and show them the untapped potential of their sound system.

To give producers the privilege of paying him exorbitant amounts of filthy lucre to be the showrunner and star of the as yet untitled three time Emmy award winning series: THE Joe Moran Project.

To quit smoking in 2004.

To host a book signing at Target

To name his first-born son (12), “Phantastk!”

To be overcome with exhaustion due to the rigors of a demanding Tour Schedule or - to come up with a better list of goals.

Accomplishments (to date):

Awarding winning obituary writer

Member of the 2005 White Sox World Series Club Level’s Most Valued In-Seat Server and Captain of the Beverage Olympics held annually at Sox Park with Gold Medals in the Perfect Pour and Bar-Backing and a Bronze in Urinal Cake Sanitation

Single-Handedly raised Morning After Pill sales by 17.9% in the South-North region of the East-Western United States in the last quarter of 2012

Quit smoking in 2004.

Undefeated in a Court of Law: 2-0

Questions for THE Joe Moran:

How many followers do you have on Tumblr?

If the producers of the Tonight Show called and offered you Jay’s job, would you take it?

What is this?

Is it true you’re in talks to revive Kevin Costner’s character in the remake of the Big Chill?

What do you excel at?

Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.



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